Static reality

Not all who wander are lost. 

The modes that make reality passable. 

Our parents. Effective bastions of nurture. Even if they were not there do we disassemble ourselves for the meaning and it's effect. Thoughts of what you would have done differently and hopefully an eventual solidified respect for who they are/were and how they handled the situation that was/is upon them. Do we ever agree with what they have to say? With what they think? It seems almost intuitive to be the devils advocate with your parental forces at some level. 

Now for my opinion on our generational gap. 

We could talk at length about the vast variety of variables that divide generations, but there seems to be one that stands out to me. The battle for understanding. It seems at a certain point a generation is predisposed to believe that their grasp on reality is the correct one and they judge and continue to create their reality from that standpoint. Of course younger generations have not arrived at this point yet and continue to seek truth, for themselves. There are definite exceptions and that is what I plan to focus on. The more we can apprehend and question the thoughts of intellectual contentment (writing that made me very uncomfortable) and reorganize how we come to such a steadfast distinction on our own personal truth, the quicker we can reach each other. Eventually the quicker we will realize as a human race that this division created by massive amounts of unhealthy competition is destructive to our existence. 

Which leads me to my viewpoint regarding my current state of contentment. 

My respect has dwindled for my world, for my American culture. I have lived 10,361 days of my life in this vessel in this time and it's time for a very real cultural formatting and reinstallation. 

I am only capable of so much in my current fixed reality. 

This world I reside in has lost touch with me. I am a number with an exponential amount of studied regularity. This is old news. 

The life I lead is becoming increasingly worthless and occasionally will bring me to tears. The lack of respect I receive from those with superficial power, no doubt given to them for their lack of self respect, saddens me. 

The journey that large numbers of us take through superficiality. Effectively losing touch with our genuine representation but eventually (hopefully) realizing, through our failures, our true nature. A right of passage?

The creative forces that have developed the world as we know it, that have brought us progression and understanding, are being stifled in lieu of a more robotic method. The human element is disappearing.

Those who have lost their careers and way of life to a machine will have the unique opportunity to get in touch with themselves. They will have no choice but to activate their intrinsic curiosity and apply it creatively.

Those of you chasing pieces of intricately designed paper to trade for your never ending cyclical lifestyle. 

To those of you who feel trapped inside of your reality with no sign of escape until your final departure from the vessel that holds you. 

The true and utter disconnection reconnection. Disconnecting fully with my world as I know it. With social norms, with the variety of hierarchical needs decided upon by invisible forces. Disconnection with my developed self in search of a higher respect for my soul and body, for those around me, for love, for desire. 

This is an exercise in understanding and in effect a search for truth, a search for god, a search for the real answers the universe holds for me. An exercise to receive a bit of a less cynical and cavalier view of our modern world. Trading these views for a bit of understanding of this indivisible remainder. 

With all of this it may appear to you that I am currently unhappy. Nay! I am surprisingly content inside of myself. My day to day wears on me just like anyone else and I have found unlimited reasons to be happy (mostly through personal meditation). All of this discomfort I have spoken of is taking the person that I am and forcing it to make such a drastic change. I cannot continue to be happy and content with the reality I am living. This forced disconnection is the next natural step. 

Conquests of reality and truth

Over the course of this blog and the subsequent writings during the trip I will be including short to very long unannounced poems that may or may not help you visualize where I exist in the moment. No explanations will be given, just do your best to put it in you.

Trusting the desire and lust filled past will continue battling for a lasting conscious revisit, heart in transit to hands its demands are clear and focus materializes only the souls command now
Pouring summer to fall and all of the emotions that come with fall fall upon me like a refreshing mist
The mystery and tests for me rake up years of far reaching deep planted fear and failure from my past
Mostly superficial, all of it jarring, peeling back the scars and tempting re-entry
Reaching is over now, how many ex-girlfriends have to contact you over the course of two weeks for you to realize you are leaving your former plateau
Most importantly leaving what you know
Leaving that scattered confused existence of your past
Conquests of reality and truth now
Leaving the static reality and the diluted truth
No more youth for diluted truth, the only tragedy is static reality
May the universe continue to test me
May spring coerce my dreams to bloom as if all of the previous years were april showers

All too often we find ourselves driving this vessel of ours with our brain thinking that what we are told is best, is best for us. Society, media, government, law enforcement, corporations, your boss, your parents, friends, significant other... all of these things believe in some way that they know whats best for you and most often we find ourselves greatly influenced by these stimuli. Rhetoric, nonstop passive influence. This is your brain at work, a diligent little freak passing around actions synapse by synapse closing you in on your hierarchy of needs.

Oh comfort, you are our enigma. Musing us all towards you like moths to a flame with little knowledge of your true nature. Only when thrown deep into utter chaos does one find the redemption of your sweet nectar pleasurable. The rest of your worthy existence plays the same modulation as a prison sentence.

My hopes and dreams are all served there

Howling children with no cross to bare yet remind me of what I could strive to be

Innocent again

Blind to the crooked bends of what life lends you true to your self and wealth is of no concern

Why not burn it all down 

Burn what we know

Fire lives in infamy for cleansing the impure entity

So why not burn it all down and return to the once so lovely that we have perverted? 

Polluting what we need

Greedy inglorious ignorance will beget the death of our children 

The wilting regret of your spirits loss of vessel, freedom, only restrained by your new found regret

Fondness for what's left

Introduction

Follow your heart.

A common utterance but what does it really mean to you?

Have you let the dust settle well enough to hear it beat?

August 2008, I received a BA in communications at SUNY Plattsburgh. I packed up my belongings said a few goodbyes and an hour later arrived home in Wilton, NY. Greeted my family, unpacked, settled in, ate a sandwich, and eventually had a good nights rest. Afternoon arrived the next day and I awoke physically refreshed and emotionally confused. Washed myself under the "soft" water that came out of our shower, clothed myself and walked downstairs. I was greeted lovingly by my mother who asked me if I wanted something to eat. I didn't bother her with my appetite and I fashioned a personalized amalgamation to feed my malnourished collegiate workings. As I laid the plate in front of me I was instantly jarred with a classic comment from my adoring mother, "so what now". In awe for lack of surprise I tossed it off with a forcibly trite remark about the lottery. The conversation went on about possibilities in the communications industry regarding work at a television or radio station when my words and my thoughts sauntered down different roads. The conversation turned to prattle as I was soon struck with the true utterance of my heart. Over the course of the next week dabbling in the possibilities that were no closer to me than before my degree I finally deconstructed my hearts utterance and imagined my true calling. Proud to have a distinctive answer for my family I casually slid downstairs and opened the floor for debate.

"I want to travel the world with no money and no specialized knowledge. I want to call the adventure 'one way tickets'. The adventure will consist of me, a seemingly average American citizen, purchasing a one way ticket to a far away land. I will then go out into the new world I have arrived in penniless and make things happen. Make my living and my eventual departure from this foreign land with another one way ticket to another random land."

This premise iced fear in the hearts of my folks. My dad, reluctantly donned the 'worst case scenario king', could not comprehend it as anything but foolish with intent to get a rise out of ol' mom. My mother on the other hand weathered the icy fear with positivity and a bit of soft spoken 'reality'. "How do you think you are going to eat? The idea of this doesn't scare you at all? (at the time it was a distance from my reality and did scare me a little). Wont you get lonely?"

Little did I know that this hearts notion was going to HAUNT me for five years.

June 2013, I now lay my head in Denver, CO. I arrived here in 2010 with my ex-girlfriend via Amtrak. Albany to Denver with a layover in Chicago. The years passed from August 2008 to 2010 in Albany, and 2010 until now in Denver with a variety of BORING menial jobs and various moments of excitement and satisfaction that you could probably guess. I have in the past two years attempted to start a business and test the waters for where I fit in best. Nothing seems to be working. Battles with self worth, my love life, friends, debts and legal issues forced me to step back and get a perspective on what the hell is going on in my life. I was introduced to the fact that my saturn return is on its way and I immediately quit drinking. As of two weeks ago it has been three months since my last drop of alcohol. Don't worry this isn't an anti drug/alcohol campaign drink up, get high. With my sobriety I have afforded myself the possibility for a more focused perspective. My hearts message still haunts me regularly and the focus afforded with sobriety turned the message into a regular companion. The trip started to form subconsciously. More and more focused every day.

I knew at this point that I wanted to go west. Hit California, then Hawaii, then New Zealand or Australia and continue eventually to south France (which has been subconsciously calling me for a while). The journey has no intended time limit and of course the landmarks along the way are plentiful, including different parts of India, the Middle East, Eastern Europe, Greece, Italy and who knows where else. The plan at this point was to not only adopt the five year old "one way tickets" idea but to take it a step further and take only non-"commercial air" travel such as busses, horse, automobiles, boats, trains, albatross, bicycle, hang glider, etc... I felt rejecting the use of commercial flights would bring more substance to the whole adventure.

Now to discuss my current ties to Denver.

Owing friends isn't the best but ill be honest paying them back feels exponentially better than paying a bank back. I have debt reaching around $3000, and I owe the state of Colorado around $700 (not to say Colorado is my good buddy but hey she's way cooler than Sallie Mae). I also have a bit of an emotional connection with Denver and I wanted to give myself enough time to conquer all of this. I started telling people about my interest in taking an adventure and the simple act of talking about it began to solidify a time frame. I dabbled with the idea of the new year, March or April. Then it came to me, May. May sounds perfect. Gives me enough time to prepare my mind as well as take care of my financial responsibilities, and spring will be springing around then so traveling will be a bit easier.

The pieces started coming together quite naturally. Things arranging and making more and more sense each day forward. On a seemingly unrelated note I have desired the ownership of a scooter or moped for the past year or so. I enjoy the responsibility free, careless air that surrounds them in terms of motor vehicle ownership. So respectively, two months ago, it was off to Craigslist! A diligent daily browse of the mopeds on the list eventually led me to the beauty that I currently own. It is a 1978 Peugeot 103. It must have sat in the sun for a large portion of its life because its patina is a lovely faded mint green, couldn't ask for more. The moped was a bit out of shape, a couple extra meaningless parts, a few extra nuts and bolts, as to be expected. It needed a bit of engine work and a little TLC. The past month my ambition regarding this miniature 2-stroke engine setup had skyrocketed and become surprisingly rewarding. Down the road from my house there is a small shop that specializes in old pedal start mopeds called Moto Ocho. I approached them in need of a throttle cable and a bit of simple guidance regarding my carburetor. Their warm hearts and passion for mopeds quickly shifted into action. My curiosity initiated a bit of a "guru - disciple" situation and I became a regular.

The moped grew on me and quickly became a part of my perspective travel plans.

If you want to follow a thread about the workings of my Peugeot and the build I will be using on the trip it's here (http://www.mopedarmy.com/forums/read.php?7,3515086,3515086#msg-3515086)

So here it is, a little summary of where i'm at now:

Working as bicycle delivery at Jimmy Johns, downtown Denver, keeping in good physical condition. Organizing freelance graphic design and marketing gigs to bring in a little extra to chip away at the debt. Constantly tuning my Peugeot.

I am leaving in May, selling or giving away most of what I own from now until then. I am heading south west on my violent little two-stroke dream machine prepared to circumnavigate the globe. I intend to bring an extra moped engine dismantled in a saddle bag as well as all of the tools needed to fix and reassemble it. I am also bringing a folded up large capacity messenger bag, a change of clothes, a jacket, a hoodie, a pair of pants, a bunch of socks, a two gallon container of water, and a two gallon container of fuel reserves.

First stops include friends in California. I intend through word of mouth to acquire a position on a barge or a cruise ship that would allow for me to reach Hawaii with my moped in toe, and eventually do the same to New Zealand or Australia.

This blog will continue until my day of departure when I plan to write journal entries in a more personalized format, printed, with pictures in a periodical style booklet with whatever capabilities I have in my current location. This periodical journal will be mailed to a select group of people who voice interest and I feel will actually be worth the trouble of its subsequent materialization and delivery.